I hate when I do things that I don't realize are stupid but then they turn out to be really stupid.

I feel like there is something inside of me that is trying to claw its way out through my stomach, and if I could only let it escape I would finally be at peace. I feel bugs under my skin and ticking across my brain. I don't think anyone can ever really love anyone else or be loved, I think the idea of community is illusion and I think I will never be happy or even just content. I'm tired and stupid and sick and ashamed of myself and very much alone.