NOTE TO SELF

** update resume and write essay "Why I want to teach English to children in Japan" for application.

not feeling verbally inspired as per this title

Yesterday was a very slow day at work, which pretty much made up for Saturday. Lots of jokes with the new girl, who unfortunately just found out this weekend she and her family have to move, which sucks, because I was so excited to have a coworker under the age of 30. C'est la vie! Pretty much we made fun of the new stock and just about everything else. Today will hopefully be the same amount of busy so I can work on the website. Hurrah! Professional job experience!

Last night I had a super awesome lady date with Amanda. Much as I love my duck, I realize it's probably not making me a well-rounded person to spend every moment of my free time with him (which usually is what happens). I SCHEDULED time with her because I was afraid I would get home, call him, we'd make plans for dinner, get sucked into our own little universe (pleasant and full of crazy magic sunshine and chocolate rainbows as it is) and then another day would pass without reinforcing positive bonds with every other person on this planet whom I love. SO, tapas at Crave (I ate waaaay too much fried food y'all. But I finally got some calamari. And their poached pear dessert? BANGIN'!) with the coupon I got on the back of my Harris Teeter receipt. Hooray for coupons! Dinner + talkytimes + Lady Gaga videos. All in all a successful night for friendship.

Didn't sleep well last night. Apparently my body only wants to sleep at the most inconvenient times (i.e. for 3 hours before a Naked Gods show the eve of my one day off this week). Blargh!

"Time stays long enough for anyone who will use it." - Leonardo da Vinci

(I need to finish my da Vinci biographies!)

beautiful day

It's another beautiful practically spring day in Boone and of course I will be working inside for eight hours running around for old ladies who need "...ALL OF YOUR TRIBAL SALE JEANS IN SIZE 12" immediately. This job just reminds me how nice people are to things and money but not other people. However, every once in a while a little old lady calls me sweet or adorable or "so cute" and I kind of like that in the sort of way a kitten probably likes attention. Whatevs. I don't think I get my clothing allowance until the store owner gets back from Florida, which sucks because I AM GOING TO GET THE MOST BADASS GENUINE LEATHER MOTORCYCLE JACKET FOR FUCKING FREE, MUTHAFUCKAS. Even if I have to wear the same pants+top every day to work. It feels like butter, y'all. Paula Deen would bake it into a heart attack.

Dan and I have taught ourselves the coptic stitch and have made a few books. Super fun times. I like hanging out and making things with him in his studio. This is the first time in a really long time where I have dated someone who has the same interests, actually encourages me to pursue those interests as if I were good at things, and pursues said interests with me for fun. (I've dated a lot of lame-o jerkfaces, though.) Pretty much Dan makes even the most mundane activities fun, and I completely adore him in a completely disgusting sort of way. This is where we all vom. *VOM*

ANYWAY. Lots of weird dreams, again. Night before last I dreamed my stepdad was retiring from the navy (which he did, like, 10 years ago). We were standing in the hallway of the house in Jacksonville, and my stepsister gave him a GIANT box of chocolates and a bouquet of roses. I felt like a jackass because I didn't get him anything. Then he set the box down, sort of fell over and grabbed his side/left arm because he was having a heart attack. I leaned down and touched his back to be like "WTF?! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!" and he pushed my hand away.

Two nights before that I had a dream where he was taking me and some other possible dream sibling down the parkway. We drove, then got out to walk, and the parkway turned into this absolutely stunning ocean cover surrounded by huge, green, steep mountains (sort of like a Norwegian fjord but meeting the ocean). We started walking out into the water, which was incredibly clear. It was warm. I don't know if the water rose or if we just walked out farther, but suddenly it was up to his chest and I scrambled onto a rock to sit. Then he told me to come on because it was time to leave, and I remember looking down at my feet and how it would be impossible to get down without the barnacles and shells cutting into my feet.

nernerner

So my friend Kris in Tokyo has offered to extend his couch to me in the event I would like to move to Japan.

!!!!!!SAY WHAT!!!!!!

He's says it's easier to get a job once you're already over there, unless you go through one of the giant English-teaching companies, which takes longer. Things to research: Visa stuff, residency stuff, language stuff, job stuff, etc. etc. etc.

I think it would be scary awesome. A good way to spend a year or so. Guess I should try and start saving my money stuffs, huh?

ughughug

Last night I should have stayed home and cleaned, but instead I drank a bottle of wine to myself, rode what I proclaimed to be the 'drunk train' over to Adam and Perry's (aka walking), then went to the slooon to get more drunk. Mission accomplished. As such, my head feels like it's going to crack open, but at least my stomach feels ok. Working all day at the store today! Guess I should get dressed. It was good to see different people for a night. However, I'm convincing myself more and more that I am 'over' getting drunk. Blahh.

Today is Friday and I couldn't care less! I have no idea what's going on this weekend! Store today, bagels tomorrow, OFF SUNDAY! WOOOO! Then store, probably bagels, store store store store. Sunday is becoming my only day of rest; I either work all the time or not at all, it seems.

I just want to stay home and make (f)arts!

and again!

I just don't know what the fuck I want, do I?

also! affection!

Hanging out with both Dan and Christian at Dan's house yesterday made me realize just how overly affectionate I am with Dan. And how inappropriate that overt affection may be in front of other people. Pretty much now I'm a little paranoid that I'm embarrassing him over and over again on a constant basis, not to mention disgusting everyone we're with. I can't help it; I just get excited y'all. Though I've been drawing pretty disturbing parallels between said behavior and that of puppies. Hmmm. Perhaps this should be toned down a bit?

Besides the duckman, I've had a long, mopey, uncreative winter. I need to (a) clean out my apartment (aka learn to let go), (b) work on one of my many in-progress paintings (aka finish what I start), and (c) FUCKING START WRITING AGAIN.

I'd also like to (d) read more (I just got 2 biographies on da Vinci from the library) and (e) figure out where I'm going to live in 2 months.

Anyone know anyone (who's not crazy) who needs a roommate come mid-May? I think I'm too poor to move out of Boone just yet.

this morning

Today, on the way to work, I saw a car pulled over on the side of the road and two grown men weeping openly over the body of a large brown dog.

your mother should've

So! The sun is set to emerge this weekend, and I do not have to work! I think Dan and I might be driving out to Jonas Ridge today to check on his parents' house. I like drives and I like Dan so it should be good. I also like sun, of which there has been far too little this winter. I'm hoping the coming spring will sweep fresh breezes through my life and get me motivated to, you know, DO SOMETHING, even if I don't 'go anywhere.' I want and need to be more creative. I need to start writing again. I think I am going to get a new ribbon for my typewriter (which, according to Sir Clark Frazier Hale III, Emperor of India) Staples did have at some point in time. I like the rhythm of rambling on my typewriter, and now when Dan asks me to keep him company at the studio I can try and be more productive too.

I need to GET MY ACT TOGETHER AND CLEAN MY GODDAMN APARTMENT. I'm living like a child, which I feel could be *vaguely* excusable in the frozen, depressed depths of winter, but the sunshine makes it seem pretty pathetic. Also! I need to clean the kitchen so I can make delicious lemon squares.

INTROSPECTIVE MOMENT:

I think I have a serious inability to live in the moment paired with a serious inability to make plans for fear of failure. (This makes it hard to, you know, form human connections through shared experience and also get ANYthing done.) I should work on these things.

In other news, West Virginia last weekend for Matt's Big Ugly Birthday Bash. I can't say anything except I'm so glad I went, and I never feel more myself than when I'm with these kids.

still gary

I need to stop thinking about friends and geography or I will be lonely forever. People lately have been coming in and out of my life in brief and superficial doses, but my heart is a town and all the above people live there.

(and yes, you too emma and kristi and whoever else couldn't be there.)