resolutions

SO.

HP (no, no, not Harry Potter) and I had very long conversation last night, which has led to a mutually-agreed stasis-of-anything-regarding-the-S-and-R-words. However, this just-friends attitude will probably be beneficial in preventing myself from becoming distracted at a point in my life where I need to get all my own shit straightened out.

ONWARD, AHOY!

In other news: after I pay rent tomorrow I will be more broke than I ever have been since leaving my sheltered teenage life. this does bother me, but not as much as I expect it would. I think it's gotten to the point where I have so little money that it doesn't matter how much it is, because it's essentially nothing. so I went out and had a few drinks last night because, at this point, that extra $5 really makes no difference, ha ha ha.

thank god I have a sense of humor. I'd like to think I'm taking everything that's happened recently fairly well.

The Tweet has finished its 7-day schedule, so I'll be losing 2 paid hours a week, about $50 or so every month. groooooossss. hopefully I'll get an NYC job soon.

on deck: new brakes and rotors, when I can afford them (HAH! right now $420 seems more like a MILLLLLION).

six-and-a-half-hours-til-the-weekend

(ALSO!)

(I'm going to kidnap sommer and her kittens and her cupcakes. plz don't tell ben kthnx.)

I think I lack the skills for pattern recognition that are necessary for being able to write an evocative and meaningful piece of work.

shit.

Or, perhaps, I just lack enough experience from which to make patterns.

hmm.

mr. lonely

Today I sort of feel like someone has taken an ice cream scoop and scooped out all my insides, leaving me just a waffle cone with only the melting dregs of frozen cream inside of me.

I finished Sputnik Sweetheart in three days. I think I feel such a strong bond with all of Murakami's works because all he ever writes about are people who are incredibly lonely and, for some reason, are unable (either emotionally or because of outside factors) to ever be truly connected to the people they love.

However, this is tempered with overarching themes of interconnectivity between all beings in the universe. Peace is only achieved through the idea that we are all connected in ways which we may not understand, so even if in the corporeal sense we cannot be together with those we wish to, we are all wrapped in a cocoon of silvery threads which unite us all together.

So, even though I feel lonely, I'm really not alone? Hmm.

Today I am wrapping up some flash fiction and prose poems to send in to a contest. Everything submitted will be considered for publication. Fingers crossed y'all....

I should be getting letters from Kristi and Matt soon, hurrah! I need to mail a letter to WV and Germany, and then Durham, yadda yadda yadda. Perhaps those will all be written at work today, hah.

box in a cage

More and more I feel the strong urge to say 'FUCK BOONE' and get the hell out of here.

Soon, soon.

I have applied for a few more jobs in the NY area. GOAL: To be there by January!

ALSO! rescheduled my GRE exam for a month later than the date I originally decided upon. no way was I ready to take it Tuesday. however, a month from then? yes.

working on some writing. working on not hating life. bleh.

NOLA felt like coming home to a big, hot, sweaty best friend. I am in love with that city and am also considering moving there. I don't know if I would like it forever, but I think I would love to live there for a year or two.

possibilities, possibilities.

I have to open myself up to the world like a flower to the sun, before I fall prey to a false winter.

double deuce

For my birthday I received:

* seven noise complaints
* but no tickets! thanks BoPo!
* a six pack of Blue Moon
* a 40 of King Cobra
* a fifth of Stoli (ohgodyesplease)
* hilarious flash cards (oh god, kristi, that one of that girl crying. I have to find a place of honor for her in my apartment)
* my favorite of Matt Keefer's drawings (FUCKING LASER BEAMS Y'ALL)
* an attempted make-out session (yeah... I put a stop to that pretty fast)
* another awesomely awesome heartfelt conversation with my best friend TIIIIIIM

I think it's funny that the people who I wanted most to give a shit didn't really seem to (with a few exceptions, it is to be noted), and the people who I didn't think would care put in a really big effort. So thanks to those people who went out of their way to make me feel all SPAY-SHUL.

in other news:

* today I applied for 4 jobs in NYC
* in a scant five days I will be on my way to NOLA

Murakami

"Each of us possesses a tangible living soul. The system has no such thing. We must not allow the system to exploit us." - Haruki Murakami

dream

I dreamed about you. You were around my apartment, coming back from the bar or a party or something. You walked in and shut and locked the door behind you. You walked over to where I slept, took off your pants and shirt, and crawled into bed with me, wrapping your arms around me.

In the middle of the night I rolled over and threw my arm out, my mind still expecting to find you. Of course you weren't there.

....

I think maybe I've been reading too much Murakami, heh.

meh

pulled another Howard Hughes today. the only person I talked to was the guy at the library who got me my new card.

yes... once again, I have access to sweet, sweet books...

all I want to do is cuddle in a big bed with someone and watch movies.

hmmph.

Wild Wild Wet

Another rainy day at the Tweets. I'm really glad it's raining, because it rained on every one of my days off, and if it was sunny and beautiful while I was working this weekend I was probably going to throw myself in front of the train. I hate people who get pissy when it's raining here; we are zoned as a temperate rainforest. This is a good thing. Last summer everyone was angry because it wouldn't rain at all, and now it's too much, blah blah blah.

r....a...i.....n......

Ignoring phone calls from the asshat. God I have bad taste. Or perhaps it's just the idea that "No, I'm sure somewhere, deep down, deeeep down somewhere, this person is really not a complete waste of space and time, truly!".

psh. whatev. I should fly solo anyway. I think the universe is trying to tell me this too -- I went out the other night for dinner with some coworkers, and we had a super cute waiter. Who I was sorta-flirting with. So of course I spilt an entire glass of water right in my lap, all over the booth, the floor, etc. He comes up, trying not to laugh, and hands me a towel. Which I then promptly smothered myself with (((kidding, obvsly))).

I've got more important shit to concentrate on anyway. Like not spending money. And the GRE. And my fucking WRITING (oh yeah, that...). And Grad school. And the above also needs to include trying not to think about hottie professor, with whom I've had near-daily rapport since he left for France. Mmm....

A week until my birthday, a scant two weeks until NOLA. Fuck yeah!