I've spent a LOT of time in the last week crying. I wasn't naive to think that this would be easy, and I knew I would cry a little bit when I left Dan, but christ. I left Boone on Tuesday, around noon-ish, after a morning of delays and hugs and 'oh-god-I-can't-do-this.' He seemed fine until I actually starting picking up my bags to put in the car. He kissed me through the car window and my last memory of Boone is him standing there in the driveway, half waving and looking as if someone had died as I bawl and drive away.
Ugh. I feel like a Twinkie someone's sucked all the cream filling out of. That is, hollow and spongey and all kinds of gross. I miss him so much already.
This is nothing though. I'm at my mom's house, my brother is coming up today, and everything is still easy and familiar and there's a kitty I can play with and all the snacks I can eat. We're having my birthday dinner today -- twice baked potatoes, shake and bake pork chops, and grasshopper pie (whipped cream + creme de menthe + melted mini marshmallows + butter oh gooooodddddd). So I can't imagine how much I'll miss him this winter.
But I'm trying to stay optimistic! I'm going to a whole new country, nay, a whole new CONTINENT! I have friends in Japan who I think will let me visit! Not to mention all those other places in Korea and nearby countries -- the Phillipines, Vietnam, China, Taiwan! I want to make the most of Asia while I'm over there and while I have the income. I've got hoop dreams! I've got wanderlust!
To be precise, I've got wanderlust coupled with homebody-ness. I think the first is a natural inclination or sparked by reading too many "adventure/quest" books as a child (Tamora Pierce, anyone?), and the other is the separation and abandonment anxiety which resulted from my tumultuous upbringing.
Also! Dad was going to visit the first week of August. I haven't seen this man in five years, since I graduated high school, and he didn't attend my App graduation. I told him not to visit, because I was going to be in Boone, had to get my Visa done, etc. He was going to come anyway -- he was going to drive down to Tennessee (the not-close-to-Boone side), spend a night there and drop off his wife with her dad, drive over to Boone and spend an evening with me, drive out to Hubert the next morning to try and hang out with Steve after Steve got off work (you know, the night before he went to court, because he's not stressed enough about that), drive back through Boone and I guess see me one more time, and then drive back to Tennessee and then to Michigan. So, 934838974 hours of driving in a week for approximately 8 hours of visiting time? Ridiculous. He was supposed to arrive last Monday, and I called last Friday, couldn't get a hold of him, so left him a message on his machine basically telling him AGAIN not to come.
I never got a call back. He never showed up Monday, and he didn't send me a card or call me on my birthday. I think he's pouting. I'm pretty fed up with this bullshit. I'm sorry if he's in some sort of midlife crisis or something because he just married off his oldest stepdaughter and then must have went "Oh shit! I have kids too!" and now is trying to "play daddy" after twenty years of ignoring me, but I have other priorities -- you know, like spending my last moments in country with people I love and who CHOOSE to be a part of my life.
So yeah. Shout out to all my friends, Boone and Jacksonvillian, and my mom and brother, for being a good family. Love you all.
Packing needs to commence. I have a load of laundry in the dryer that is waiting to be folded. All this rambling has made my coffee grow cold. Boone, I'll miss you, but I really need to figure some shit out. You know, and pay off my credit card debt. I love you all!
And Dan, I love you. I miss you so much my stomach hurts.
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