epiphany

when I was walking home from school yesterday, I passed the same tumble-down wall covered in bushes I always pass, and there was nothing noticeably different about the day or my surroundings, but for the first time in my life I thought about the possibility of my self-induced non-existence and I felt my mind violently buck against it. I'm not sure what this means, or what is causing me to change, or how to keep changing, or how to stop from going back.