sad panda

Today feels like it is going to be a sad day. I am draped in a feeling of general malaise. This isn't going to be a sad day in a very active form - someone dies, bad shit happens, blah blah blah. More like everything is coated with a see-through, saccharine varnish and I feel like my body is pushing against a great wall of water. Nothing feels real.

I am far too maudlin and it is far too pretty a day.

Last night I dreamed about one of the stars in my galaxy of lost loves and woke up feeling hollow with the knowledge that we are stranded in two different lives that will never run parallel in the way which would allow anything more than the thin threads of friendship we currently find ourselves tethered with.

le sigh

My fingertips will whisper secrets into my typewriter to be sent halfway across the state and the world, and I'll feel better.

and then maybe I'll work on some real writing.