Another vacant afternoon in which I find myself lurking for hours at Espresso News, fruitlessly sending out my resume with ever-dwindling hopes that I will receive some sort of interest in myself as a future valuable asset to some nameless, vapid company.
It seems like so many people have the Boonetown Blues lately. “Seems” because the majority of this information is derived not from actual conversations, but micro-electric-infobits from facebook, blogger, etc. Textually described are states of frustration, ennui, and jaded realizations that the lives we lead poorly nourish the potential which we wish so dearly to release.
Though when meeting people face-to-face, the customary lip service is always given. “fine, doing well, oh you know, ok.” Why? The suspicion that the other party doesn’t give a shit? The reluctance to share one’s anguish with another? The frustration and shame that we cannot solve every problem ourselves? The desire not to feel weak in front of another? The fear of being perceived as weak?
Blah. Let us all lie alone in beds built of our own reluctance.
(Tate says I think too much. That’s probably true. I’m happier when I’m working full time not because it reinforces any false notions of importance, but merely distracts me from my own insignificance.)
(MELODRAMA! DISCONTENT!)
I am biased because I love this place, but here's my rambling opinion. I can remember hearing all these same things when I was a senior in high school and everyone was bitching about how they couldn't wait to go to college somewhere far away. I remember being really angry at them for not realizing the worth of Boone, and I occasionally feel that to a small degree now, but also I am not a teenager anymore, so usually things are less intense in my feelings compartment. But it kind of seems like, when people are unhappy and they feel like a change would make them happy, it is easy to blame it on their location/job/major/whatever. Those are obvious things to be able to change, and it seems like they would be a quick fix. And for some people it probably would be, but I feel like a lot of people talk halfheartedly about "this goddamned town," for example, because they want something to blame their unhappiness on, but they actually know that there's some other underlying thing affecting them besides where they are. Their vigor doesn't extend much past absent and vague declarations, so when you see them out and about, that isn't as big a deal, and it's easier to say "I'm good, you?" than it is to say "Oh I still have that vague existential angst that I can't seem to shake and I feel it slowly taking over my entire being." I know I've thought the latter and said the former, before. But probably only because some people don't really want to hear the former, when they ask. I try to be as honest as possible, though.
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely not innocent, though. I've dissed things that are actually not so bad because it is easier, and sadly, when things are shitty, "easier" is often the thing we're looking for.
iawtc
ReplyDeleteoh lord I hate it when you make valid points.
ReplyDeleteI know. I know. I know.