We were living in a small, shitty, white house in a really poor semi-rural area. Sort of like some of the places I pass by in Kinston when I drive to mom's house from Jacksonville. There was a small, freshly turned field out back (1/4 of an acre?), and there was white powered sprinkled all over it. "dream mom" (who was black, interestingly enough, and I think at this part of the dream I was a little black girl, about 5 or 6) told me to go back and stamp it into the ground, because the neighbors would know it was lye and that Don was trying to cover up the bodies of the kids he'd killed.
earlier in the dream, at a different part of it completely disconnected from the aforementioned, there was some sort of camping trip or outdoor expedition or something, and an unrequited love was there. he looked older than he should. I was standing and he was kneeling, and I held his head against my chest and I was crying a little, and he was telling me he wanted to be with me, and I remember thinking I wanted it to but what about a family? what about kids? he would be so old when they were born. but I still wanted him so badly.
ugh.
anyway.
Got an email from Hawksnest. As soon as it gets cold enough they're going to start making snow. Which, as much as I don't want it to get cold, I really really want to start a better job. Calendars suck.
I think most of my frustration lately has stemmed from not working full time. I hate feeling as if I am not useful, intelligent, or a hard worker.
The BF has put up with my moods lately in a most honorable manner. It's nice to date someone who sees you as more of a person than an object.
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