paper wahk

So since I've heard from Korea, I've pretty much lost all motivation for working at the real job which I currently have. I'm not very proud of this, however I can only take so much being talked to like a dog/being forcibly grabbed by strangers/being asked if I am in high school/having to watch old ladies change because they don't believe in dressing rooms apparently without going completely fucking bonkers. I'm trying to concentrate on the webwork so I have an excuse just to sit at my computer and not talk to anyone. But I'm doing lots of freight too, which no one except Liz and I want to do so that's ok I guess.

I am waiting to receive my apostilled diploma and background check from Raleigh and then I can send all that stuff to Ko-Rea! I am a little excited, but mainly nervous and apprehensive and tired and full of sad, icky emotions involving Dan my man. Urrrggg. Pretty much I'm just feeling really vulnerable and stupid and my brain is all like "WTF are you talking about, do you know how much money you will make/save while you are over there?" and my heart is all like "whatever" and my brain then goes "OH MAH GAWD you've always wanted to travel and just think of all the new snacks you will get to try!" and my heart is like "don't care" and then my brain is all like "Seriously! You should be excited! No more old ladies in their underwear!" and my heart is all like "STFU I WILL NEVER FIND ANYONE TO LOVE NOR ANYONE TO LOVE ME EVER AGAIN AND WHO ELSE WILL MAKE UP SILLY SONGS WITH ME IN THE CAR WHEN WE DRIVE TO THE GROCERY STORE?!?!?!?" and then I just start crying and then things get REALLY stupid.

um. yeah.

So pretty much love is complicated, life is complicated, however the only thing really keeping me in Boone right now is Dan and I just can't count on the idea that we will be 2-GETH-R 4-EVA IN LURVE so might as well go live my life a little bit, right?

Fuck I'm gonna miss him.

Let's go over my benefits so I feel better about this decision:

1. Free Housing (uh... fuck yeah! studio apt!)

2. $1500-1700 depending on where in the country I am stationed

3. Half of my medical premiums paid by my employer

4. 2 weeks paid vacation PLUS national holidays off

5. One month's severance pay after the completion of a 1 year contract

6. Guaranteed raise if I decided to stay

Considering I'm making a solid $600 a month after bills right now, I'd say this could be a good idea.

You know, and really cool.

GAH! FUCK YOU EMOTIONS!

post grad

So far life as a grumpy post-grad has not been too different from life as a grumpy college student.  Besides the fact that OH MY LORD MY JOB MAKES ME PAINFULLY AWARE OF MY POSTMODERN CONDITION.

Last night:  party at Emma's.  I remember sunlight before I went to sleep.  And then I got up a scant three hours later and had about 4 shots in my coffee, which was probably why I wanted to throw up all over Melanie's after a poor breakfast decision of eggs benedict.  Drunk + Hollandaise Sauce = bad news bears, y'all.  Apparently I sent some people text messages around 3 in the morning.  The only reason I know this is because I found them in my 'outbox' while going through my phone tonight.  Whoops.

I am applying for a job and an internship in NYC this week.  Just for kicks.  I have no confidence that I will actually receive the positions I'm applying for, but but but.  There's always a 'but.'

IN OTHER THOUGHTS:

So sometimes you think you're sure about something.

And then something happens.

And you're not so sure anymore.

Obsess!  Obsess!  Obsess!