oh shit oh shit oh shit

So I'm sort of stumped.

I've -- very literally, very seriously -- had everything in my life planned up until May 10th, as far as "major occupation of time/life."

And that is all about to be over.

And I am fucking panicking.

And I want someone to make all my hard decisions for me so I don't have to. Or a big hole to come and swallow me up.

Because I am so. fucking. scared.

Of doing something wrong. Or fucking my life up. Or choosing the wrong opportunity and missing out on what I'm "supposed" to be doing.

Assuming the universe has some "grand plans" for me anyway, or "true callings" actually exist.

Thinking about it gives me a stomach ache.

Ugh.

I wish a certain someone was here to make me feel better. (And then again, I wish I didn't wish that. Oh, dependence! That path only leads to disappointment.)

So pretty much.

I don't know what I'm doing. I just feel like it's all going WRONG. And then I feel like a pussy for panicking, because lord knows people have undergone major life changes before, and lived to tell the tale.

Anyway.

END SELF-INDULGENT PITY RAMBLE.