Went to the 641 RPM show last night and was one of three people drinking a beer. Because I was one of about three people who were old enough to actually *purchase* and legally *consume* beer. Hmm. Hence thought "a." However, a joke from Travis sparks thought "b": "Must be strange to you, being one of the oldest people in the room."
Not that I find it particularly offensive. But the above, combined with Dan's absence this weekend, just further emphasizes my feeling of not belonging in this town. The majority of my close friends and those who I would consider my "peers" have left town. Remaining are those younger than me, only one who I find myself still associating with on a regular basis (Amanda), those incredibly younger than me who I would feel completely weird about hanging out with (thought "a"), and the older Espresso/Saloon crowd who, though I know and talk to a little bit, I don't overwhelmingly relate to. I don't know. I feel like everyone is on an adventure, is taking a break in between their adventures, or have already had their share of adventures, and I am still sitting here in my apartment, alone, afraid to do anything. Pair this with other complications that I will not digress into via the interwebs, and I feel particularly stunted.
Of course, I am also completely lacking direction. I applied to a few jobs with Americorps, but I'm not convinced that's something I want to do. Help people/the world, in a general sense, but be employed by the government and, essentially, just another instrument of bureaucracy? Grad school doesn't seem like a viable option either, since I don't really know what I want to study, and would probably fall into the same trap I did at App - major in something you think you like because you don't know what else to do. I wish I would have explored my options more. I probably would have ended up in technical photography or computer/web programming.
Essentially, I am floundering financially and failing to fully realize my self-identity
Blerg.
I don't know shit about shit y'all.
listen i had a dream that a bartender lady told me i looked about thirty. and also in this dream i fully thought that i was "only" (i told myself) 24, when in reality i have another five months before i'm officially that age. wtf. i am experiencing the same in-between age thing.
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