OH GEEZ

I honestly don't understand why some people have it within them to be so petty. For instance, yesterday at the store we received a shipment of this certain pant that all these fucking old ladies go crazy about. As such, we have two files of back orders to go through when new boxes come in, because these old ladies will wait weeks and weeks to get these stupid pants. So, the other new girl and I got the file we knew about, went through it, and pulled three pairs of pants that were special ordered. Called them, left messages or did phone purchases, blah blah blah, wrapped up what needed to be shipped and put what needed to be held in the back. However, these were just the phone and in store orders -- this didn't include the online orders, of which there are more and older ones. So, Big Bitch "C" (codenames, y'all) watched Liz and I do this all, knowing it was the first time we've done it, and didn't say a damn thing about the other file or what we were supposed to do with the order pages in the first file when we were done. Now, I realize she's not our manager or supervisor, but no managers or supervisors were scheduled for yesterday and she had seniority over us, and she usually bosses us the fuck around anyway and acts like she's in charge, so today I find out that we did stuff sort of wrong and she didn't say a damn thing about it even though she was hovering over us all the time. So, the manger came in today, and was really nice but you could tell sort of irritated about what we did.

So pretty much the broad situation is an older, more experienced coworker knowingly watching the two new employees to something wrong, the first time they've ever done it, knowing that the new employees were doing it wrong and sort of effing up the system and that the manger would come in today and be pissed, and still not saying anything about it or even mentioning the other file.

And I'm just kinda like, what the fuck? Thanks for the help. And this is from a woman who has repeatedly chastised me for doing things "wrong" that all the other employees do, and talks to the other new girl and I like we're small dogs. And I'm wondering what the fuck happened to being a team player or being nice or helpful or even if not any of those things just doing your job right by making sure others don't fuck up the store?

GRR. If you're going to act like a fucking bossy know-it-all, at least do it when it would be helpful.

ANYWAY.

Like all jobs, this is incredibly frustrating in hundreds of tiny, menial, REALLY FUCKING STUPID ways.

I'm worried that I'm never going to be happy with anything I do, and if that is the case why don't I just do something easy that will make me a bunch of money like porn.

I'm also worried that I am waaaay too fucking sensitive and agonize over tiny little things that no one else agonizes over and as such live in a state of agitation and stress pretty much 98% of the time. Which makes life feel waaay more difficult than it should be. Sometimes I wonder what everyone else is doing right that I can't seem to do, or if everyone feels as out of wack with the world as I do.

I don't really have any reason to be in Boone anymore. I mean you know, besides Dan. When I'm with him I'm incredibly happy, but it's because when two people are in a relationship they have the capacity to build their own little world which isn't the real world at all. So, Dan makes me happy, but only fulfills one aspect of my life, when all the others are struggling.

Overall, I am not happy. And I am not happy in ways which cannot be fulfilled by other people. So, I guess as soon as I get the money, it's time to go. The things which made Boone meaningful to me -- college, the friends I made here, the period in my life, the feeling of productivity -- all those things are gone now, and while I have a wonderful relationship with someone who I love dearly, it doesn't really make up for the fact that I don't have a lot of friends, out of those I do only 1 of them do I feel really close to, and she's leaving soon anyway, I am using my degree at a dead-end job to write about golf tops for old ladies, I very rarely do something "new," and I have no real ties to the community.

I know this sounds like a "poor me" post, but... what the fuck ever.

shit shit shit.