doubt

I have been full of doubt lately. Doubt doubt doubt.

I am feeling a severe lack of personal connections and am yearning desperately for lines of communication to become re-established with certain people. Matt has a phone now, at least, so there's one. It's not the same though. I need Murphy's and two pitchers of PBRs and for us to slap the table and wildy gesticulate our intensity towards everything involving ourselves and the world around us.

I have been revisiting a mild-obsession in regards to another certain person. Which I'm trying to get over. Though I don't even know if I want to. But it'd probably be good for me.

I have been entering the strange world of abstract art. I have no idea whether to classifiy my paintings as "art" or just "Summer's experiments in X-Treme finger painting." But how would I go about classifying anything I make as "legitimate?" Must I prove my "legitimacy" in the eyes of others? And if one of the goals is to prove it's legitimacy, am I thinking more about the effects of my creativity than upon my creativity itself? Or is that all ART is -- legitimizing your creativity in front of others? If I fail to receive some sort of outside connection, is my work de-valued? Or must I create my own value of it? Is art a struggle for self-expression or a struggle for the creation of connection with the viewer? Am I revealing something about myself or to someone else? Or am I supposed to come up with some happy marriage of the two?

aarrgghh.

Pretty much all I know is I can figure out whether or not I'm finished with a painting, though I've no idea how I ever reach that conclusion.

THINGS TO REMEMBER:

Being miserable doesn't make you any less wrong, but being happy doesn't make you any more so, either.