omg yall

seriously. there's been, like, NO ONE in the store today. most boring day EVARRR. Plus the store owner forgot to switch over credit cards for the web hosting company, so our account is currently suspended. Which means I can't do pretty much 90% of what I was hired to do. SO. edited massive amounts of pictures in the optimism that they'll get their shit straight in the next week or so. ANYWAY WORK IS NOT MY WHOLE LIFE. *deeeeep breath*

Tomorrow I have a day off! (I think if I didn't have tomorrow off I wouldn't be so. fucking. antsy.) Tonight! Dan and I are going to the collective to make art? I am working on a new book which I am very excited about and will be a present! for someone. Therefore, there's a lot of pressure to make it perfect and beautiful, even though I know the recipient of this present won't give a shit if it's not perfect, but it's the thought that counts, y'all!!!!!

Last night Heather told me a little about her being in Korea. A very little, which has spurned me to request talkytimes with her! She said she was TOESL certified which means she made more money when she was over there. This is something I should think about, particularly if I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.

Saw Gary for about 3 whole minutes yesterday. He was driving through town and left me a message around 11 while I was at work. I left him a voicemail saying I would probably miss him and then pretty much forgot about it until later. Dan and I were sitting outside eating at Tuppelos and up walks Gary and Jenny! Yay! They were on their way out of town (for serious) so essentially just pulled over on the side of the road to say "OH HAI GOODBAI!" His new dog is adorable.

Still no news on future living situation.

I think that's it? End transmission.

Aya Takano

Japanese artist Aya Takano

(Sommer, I thought you might like these.)

doubt

I have been full of doubt lately. Doubt doubt doubt.

I am feeling a severe lack of personal connections and am yearning desperately for lines of communication to become re-established with certain people. Matt has a phone now, at least, so there's one. It's not the same though. I need Murphy's and two pitchers of PBRs and for us to slap the table and wildy gesticulate our intensity towards everything involving ourselves and the world around us.

I have been revisiting a mild-obsession in regards to another certain person. Which I'm trying to get over. Though I don't even know if I want to. But it'd probably be good for me.

I have been entering the strange world of abstract art. I have no idea whether to classifiy my paintings as "art" or just "Summer's experiments in X-Treme finger painting." But how would I go about classifying anything I make as "legitimate?" Must I prove my "legitimacy" in the eyes of others? And if one of the goals is to prove it's legitimacy, am I thinking more about the effects of my creativity than upon my creativity itself? Or is that all ART is -- legitimizing your creativity in front of others? If I fail to receive some sort of outside connection, is my work de-valued? Or must I create my own value of it? Is art a struggle for self-expression or a struggle for the creation of connection with the viewer? Am I revealing something about myself or to someone else? Or am I supposed to come up with some happy marriage of the two?

aarrgghh.

Pretty much all I know is I can figure out whether or not I'm finished with a painting, though I've no idea how I ever reach that conclusion.

THINGS TO REMEMBER:

Being miserable doesn't make you any less wrong, but being happy doesn't make you any more so, either.