pendulum

gah busy busy week. not enough sleep. I need to try and sleep tonight and not spend the day falling asleep at the tweet. Eight and a half more hours of work today. (pleaseohgodkillmenow.)

Monday dance dance at the saloon. Tuesday I slept, read, and didn't do much of anything really. Wednesday I cleaned the old house in Vilas, and then went out and saw the kids for Melissa's bachelorette party, which I'm pleased to know she survived. Thursday morning waking up with a friend, cheeeeseburgers, the Saloon again. I think it's funny that I haven't been there in a month or so and in the last week I've been about 3 times now.

Important to remember: You can't invest too much in the idea of another person making you feel happy/complete/anything, because they are *another person* and therefore unpredictable.

Even if it is nice to pretend, for a night, things are good. Just between friends.

foodstuffs

lately lately lately

egg bake thing. like a quiche, but no crust. roast chicken + mushrooms + peppers + zucchini, with basil and garlic goat cheese and bay leaves. mmmmm. This was one of those "I wonder what happens when I cook this like THIS" things. Really I was just too lazy to make a crust.


cookies for visual book show. snickerdoodles, butterscotch cinnamon, chocolate butterscotch.

SO
I feel like I'm at that point in a relationship with someone
where I get really really really self-conscious
and paranoid
and convince myself that the other person doesn't really like me
because they have a bad day one day
even if it has NOTHING TO DO WITH ME
even if THEY TELL ME it has nothing to do with me
I still feel like I should be able to make them feel 100% better
and if I can't
there's something intrinsically wrong with me
or my personality
and that I'm a big fat failure.

so I need to take a deep breath
and reassure myself that I'm probably *not* a big fat failure
and that he probably *does* like me
and I need to tell myself
to STOP BEING SO FUCKING PARANOID
all the time.

yes.