Monday, March 23, 2009

I am feeling creatively constipated and completely uninspired.

I don't know what happened. The last few months have felt almost like a creative renaissance -- I wrote more poetry and stories parts and painted, while not feeling like I was being forced to do it all for a grade, since coming to Boone.

And all of a sudden---gone. All my energy has completely disappeared. At the worst time too. I still have to finish editing my original piece for non-fiction, write a new full-lengthy, AND I'm a week late on one of our short assignments. I just... I don't know. I can't seem to even get started. Every time I sit down to write it, I just end up staring off into space going 'What the fuck do I even have to say?'.

Emma said I'm thinking about it too much.

Ugh.

For the first time in a long time too my cooking and baking is becoming completely uninspired. I dunno how to describe it; the 'zip' is gone, the love in the act--it's not "cooking," anymore, it's "making food as quickly as possible because I put it off for so long I'm starving." I'm breaking my own heart.

This is a very bad time for me not to be energized. Just a few more weeks, and everything is going to fall apart anyway. Just let me get through until graduation.
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2 comments:

  1. AnonymousMarch 23, 2009 at 5:42 PM

    i would say that the cure to this should be easy, but sometimes its not. sometimes you just get burnt out. and its okay.

    i would take some time to get back to your roots, think about what made you love it in the first place. read something that isn't for class. even if it takes too much time to do so. i've figured out lately that i feel better about myself for taking time to do something enjoyable, instead of necessarily doing the best that i can do for class. or if it isn't reading, do something else that you never have time to do but that you want to do. it helps.

    or do something that you don't normally do at all to get out of a funk.

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  2. SummerMarch 24, 2009 at 6:18 AM

    "i feel better about myself for taking time to do something enjoyable, instead of necessarily doing the best that i can do for class"

    Yeah, I feel like all the joy has been sucked out of the work I do, and then, as you've said before, if I'm not CONSTANTLY BEING SCHOOL PRODUCTIVE then I'm wasting my time.

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